Fiscal federalism, public debt created by local governments, advantages and disadvantages of decentralisation… Kacper closed his SOAS (School of Oriental and African Studies – University of London) course book with a slight headache. ‘Why am I bothered with reading this, if the world around me is just going crazy?’ he thought to himself as he looked at the front page of the News International – one of Pakistan’s dailies. The big, screaming title announcing that the 4th blast (this week) has just hit Peshawar again distressed him a little. ‘This is madness…how many more people needs to die so this stops?’ he asked rethoritically. As he started reading about civilian casualties, he started feeling uneasy. He realised that he actually started treating the news of new explosions and new casualties, like some kind of daily normality, something that occurred daily – and hence was not a big deal! He would read about yet another horrific carnage, get distressed, and then sip his coffee, before engaging with his daily business… ‘You are horrible’ his consciousness was screaming at him. ‘There are innocent people being blown off, and all what you can do is get slightly distressed’ his mind would not let him rest. ‘Do something Kacper, you can’t just sit, and do nothing’ – it went on and on… ‘But what can I do…’ he tried to figure out. The emptiness in his mind was unbearable. He felt he could do nothing… absolutely nothing that seemed to be meaningful that would make at least a bit of difference, the difference that he felt was really needed.
He desperately needed TO DO SOMETHING… Yes, it was egoistic, he needed to do something for his own peace of mind, he needed to fix his own consciousness, his guilt that would not let him sleep… ‘Double Virtual Life of Kacper’ – he thought at that very moment. ‘I need to write something in my partly forgotten blog, and post how I feel online…’ he decided. Kacper thought that sharing his frustrations in the Internet, with people who might or might not read what he wanted to say was going to help him. He wanted the world to know what was happening in Pakistan, and that things in Pakistan were not fair to so many people. He wanted to force people feel guilty a bit in their own cosy homes, their peaceful countries, and spare a moment thinking of those who are scarred and defenceless in Peshawar, Waziristan, or anywhere in the world for that matter. ‘This is not going to change anything though’ – another grim thought started haunting Kacper. ‘Everyone knows what is going on here, but still nothing has been done to prevent it from happening…’ – he went on. ‘People need to know though, people need to be reminded over and over…’ – he tried to convince himself that writing how he felt, and why he felt helpless was somehow important…
Kacper felt that he needed to stop all his guilt feeling. It took lots of his energy away – energy that he needed for his busy week, which was ahead of him.
Twelve militias were killed in South Waziristan today, in the attempt of cleaning the area from the militias… announced the presented of the Dawn news channel, as Kacper started planning his next day at work. ‘No, I am not going to think about it now. I have just finished my entry in the blog, and that will need to be enough…’ he concluded.
P.S. Kacper is reading the Internet news about the swine flu in Europe.